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Going, To Say Goodbye

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Currently typing this on phone as I head out of NUS for the last time as a (graduated) student. Went back to drop off the Honours Room key and my heart feels like it wants to linger.

I look and finger the key a final time, and tell myself: This season has ended. And with that, the clang of the key and I walked away, no turning back.

Walking down the stairs I've climbed countless times (almost always in haste), I reflected that perhaps in this journey, I'll always be discovering that the next season is a more true calling/place I should be. And the previous one is there to prepare me for the next. My heart was screaming for time to stop as the HK exchange ended, and the first few months back were terrible. Yet that season of my life, which has just ended, has been one of the best. (Ha ha ha, guess what, I think I've said that for the other past seasons too).

What a beautiful adventure You have called us to, Lord. Joys and trials unimaginable, You show us who we…

Commencement // Project Masterpiece

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And with the last day of Project Masterpiece for the commencement ceremonies tomorrow, this chapter in NUS is really really coming to an end. These past few (crazy busy and blessed) days where I have been traversing familiar places in school, the memories attached to those places put a smile on my face as I recount my blessings. Perhaps it is only as we look back that we see, how beautiful the journey has been. But I have been immensely blessed to already know how blessed I am throughout university- because I have a clear vision and purpose for what I hope to do in NUS and where I want to be.

With my own commencement this Monday night, graduation suddenly becomes official (I have made a clear promise to myself not to take advantage of student card discounts anymore), which also means the imminence of work. I was reminded of it just now and I almost couldn't bear to think of how my life will be so drastically changed. Will I be jaded and cease to believe in why I started on the so…

O God Beyond All Praising

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Words: Michael Perry, sung to the tune of THAXTED

"O God beyond all praising,
we worship you today
and sing the love amazing
that songs cannot repay;
for we can only wonder
at every gift you send,
at blessings without number
and mercies without end.
We lift our hearts before you
and wait upon your Word,
we honor and adore you,
our great and mighty Lord.

The flower of earthly splendor
in time must surely die,
its fragile bloom surrender
to you, the Lord most high;
but hidden from all nature
the eternal seed is sown -
though small in mortal stature,
to heaven's garden grown:
for Christ, your gift from heaven,
from death has set us free,
and we through him are given
the final victory.

Then hear, O gracious Savior,
accept the love we bring,
that we who know your favor
may serve you as our King;
and whether our tomorrows
be filled with good or ill,
we'll triumph through our sorrows
and rise to bless you still:
to marvel at your beauty
and glory in your ways,
and make a joyful …

Faces // Love is not a thing to be so used

Maybe I write this post as a mini self rebuke, maybe an act of subtle self-glorification.

"A discerning man keeps wisdom in view, but a fools' eyes wander to the ends of the earth." Proverbs 17:24 Feels like straight in the heart rebuke when I read it this morning.  Dear Mum and Dad, family and friends:
I am both sorry and not sorry. Which in effect is not sorry at all. And I am, in my better self, sorry for that. Sorry that I don't really care about the great mess in my room nor the fact that I probably lost my identity card. It really doesn't matter at the end of it, like I said to the utter dismay of my friends in response to the possibility of missing our flight back to Singapore. 
After awhile, it kinda sucks being seen as crazy/foolish/needing to be restrained. Of course, there is truth in it. (No, I shall not be tempted into emotional pride and feel like it's me against the world) Yet I hope that some of this other-worldliness is a vision lived out... …

海阔天空

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原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由。

 真的。

 但是,里面还是搏斗着。
 “一个不平凡的人啊! 难得难得,要是你是男孩子就会比较理想。因为,女孩子会有一点点不方便。”

原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由。 也会怕有一天会跌倒。

I attempt to twist my hands free from the firm grasp on my wrists- it hurt when I struggled. I never liked how I can't seem to be trusted to cross the traffic lights myself. 

My dress rode up a bit as I started to pedal the Obike. 他们一定骂我的。穿这样骑脚踏车!Yet there was a strange satisfaction in that act itself. 

Maybe that's why, I want to travel solo so badly.

原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由。

I really cannot help it.

//On brighter things: Watercolour inspired by the Amdo Tibetan print on the handmade Tibetan pouch - the seemingly lone flowers are linked together in a bigger tapestry.
Proverbs 3:19-20 before me while I painted: "By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew."

Hello, Jaded

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This should be for when I feel like I am not going anywhere, not making any difference, or not doing enough where I am in social work.

蜻蜓/pepatung/dragonfly
荷叶孤浮水面上,
带着莲花之盼望。
 水底海草蜻蜓迷,
 放纵自己去探索。

The most part of this month was grappling with wanting to be free.

Free to do what, and from what?

To do what I want, both in social justice and interfaith work and what-not to change the world, and more frivolous stuff like going where I want when I want (i.e. alone).

To be free from being bound to imperfect systems- in my mind operationalised as getting told what to do regardless of whether I choose to or not. (But the root of it is, I realise, I hate getting told what to do especially when I feel like it constrains the create-tive use of my time)

Are you truly free? 
For what seemed like a long struggle, I didn't want to accept that in many senses, I am not free to do as I please. Resentment would be riled up when I perceived that my time was given where I didn't want to. Angry at ho…

Dixit Insipiens

Still spiteful. The kernel of bitterness, resentment and self-pity burst open this morning and I was one with the pouring rain. I felt like Orual, holding that small, tattered book filled with complaints.

Is that how laments actually feel like? Such deep measure of grief tore through me that the loud sounds proceeding forth were so strange, yet that was my real voice.

Are we not one, made to live in harmony? I have already forgotten what it was like when the family was truly four. A gentle answer turns away wrath, as the proverb goes. Not much of that from me. The grief was poisoned till the torrents cleared away the layers hiding the resentment I guess.

Still hard to love. Almost like I don't know how to, for him anymore. Oh, Brother. Why can't you be like other brothers? I want to love you, Brother. You know we love you, Brother.