破碎的 hallelujah

One benefit of being a student is that your time is sectioned nicely into semesters, and I am now midway into my final one in NUS. Kisah ada pahit, ada manis, tapi Tuhan membuat segala sesuatu indah pada waktunya (Pengkhotbah 3:11, TB).


Wrapping up this week with intentional quiet reflection and self-examination. Our gracious God has reminded me about the 3 resolutions I had for 2017. A broken hallelujah to You, my King.

To be honest, when my uncle began his series of text messages that was sending the implicit message of me not caring enough for my family, I was (1) frustrated (2) indignant (3) prideful and resistant (4) almost hateful. I was like: What more do you want?! What more do you want from me, God? And, who are you to tell me what to do, can't you see I am doing good work? Aren't I already making the effort? (Doesn't help that I was already feeling quite shaken from something else and that uncle was being indirect)

Even now I find it difficult to reply his (oh gosh the automatic word that came to mind was stupid) long messages of wisdom sayings and guidance for life. Firstly, I don't really wanna read and think about them when I have other better sources of wisdom. Secondly, it really takes cognitive energy to do that which is something I do not want to expend. A struggle. May the Kang that reads this again next time have better things to say.

It's not like I cannot see the beauty and goodness in what he is doing for me. I mean, why would he even bother? Although I sense a kind of judgment passed which I don't like, I know he has mostly good intentions. So help me, Father.

Not just my uncle, but to examine how I love my family in the everyday and the mundane. Do I consciously honour my parents in the little things? Not to make it legalistic, so fill me with your love, Father. To walk the way of the cross.

This links to engaging the world for God, in that investments, even if I pour myself out- are still finite. In a sense I am a scarce resource. This morning I was prepping to lead Bible study for CG on the bus to church- I asked myself, am I giving my 100%? I feel like CG Wooo has been a ministry that I am spending less investment in. Should I feel bad about it? Sunday School also. I was quite tempted to just say I'm sick and go for 9.30 service instead of SS.

I guess it goes back to the question in today's Bible study: What eternal pursuits has God laid on your heart as being important for you to follow in this season of your life?

仰倒. 2 very cherished moments at SS today. Ariel suddenly said: Some people don't believe in Jesus and God. That opened up the opportunity to encourage her to trust God to bring people to Himself and pray continually. Then somehow she exclaimed: Life is unfair! Reframe: It is unpredictable and beyond control at times. But God carries us through. The class started singing He is Able spontaneously :')

Seocond Patronus was when we prayed with the children. They asked to pray for their family to be healthy, for their baby brother, and we prayed together for teacher Siew Mun who will be going for a major op. I could feel that the children were really praying, not the usual fidgety, and Siew Mun was touched too. Spirit-filled moment.

Update: Hallelujah by Pentatonix. Is chillingly great.


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