The top few songs for the Coachella music and arts festival perturb me. Among them are Alone (Marshmello) and Scared To Be Lonely. When I was forced to sit through the second song in the taxi some time ago, I made a mental note to give it a listen again. Okay I think this is the point I should say that I am slightly more assured after finding out that RadioHead was the main opening act on Day 1 of the festival. Fake Plastic Trees was a earworm in yes, those angst teenage years. ("It wears him out...It wears him out...")

Continuing on with my judgment of English pop now, I really felt sad listening/watching the MV of these 2 videos. Not just these, but in generally listening to the pop music now, it felt to me like a kind of indication of a deep hurt in society. Not just a deep hurt, but there seems to be a sense of experiential satisfaction pursued in and of itself. My mind somehow thinks of self-harm ('across the river not down the stream'); has it become a kind of alternative normal, the pain strangely seductive?

Songs have a subtle kind of power over our thoughts. Recently, I have been singing JJ Lin's 突然累了to myself a lot. "原来我只是突然累了...原来我撑着撑到麻了...原来我不爱了" Identified with that realisation that I am quite tired in a sense. Of holding things in, of having my time bound up with others/ministry, of just wanting to be free and do my own thing. Unhealthy reinforcement from singing these lyrics. Well I wouldn't say this is absolutely bad because it helps with self-awareness I guess but I really need to beware the pursuit of this kind of dark experiential satisfaction. Emo kia that I am.

Anyway, I did have a full day to myself on Tuesday after my lastest paper. Purposely switched off and left my phone at home. It was a boo-boo that I left home with Dad who found out I was going to Punggol Waterway Park by myself (12 missed calls D:), but otherwise that was a very cherished day. Learnt so much from just being free from my phone/social media, reading the Word and journalling, looking at nature and trying to paint it. 

More thoughts on it soon, got to go. Today has been a good day so far at 大姑妈's house also.